Dear Stranger,

Dear Stranger sitting next to me in class today,

I'm so sorry.  I wish I could have turned around and explained myself.  I wish you knew me and knew that I am pregnant and therefore have a very credible excuse.  I wish I could have had the courage to face you.  If I was facing you, then perhaps you would not have suffered as much. 

You see, I can't control what is going on in my body.  I have very little say in the things that I do.  Well, I do have some control, ya know...but just not of everything. 

For example, I seem to have no control over my emotions.  And tears cannot be held back no matter how hard I try.  So you can imagine how difficult it is to watch Grey's Anatomy.  And then when I re-tell the story to my husband, I have no control over the fact that I look like a crazy person. 

I also have no control over the smells that now cause me to retch and gag and feel so angry at the offensive owner of the smell that I consider assault. 

I have no control over my entire gastrointestinal system at all, as a matter of fact.  Everything sounds and tastes disgusting.  But, of course, if I don't eat anything, I will violently vomit up every ounce of bile in my tummy.

I know this is all TMI, but I'm just trying to explain to you why you should forgive me.  Because it's not my fault.  I can't control it!

There is a LIFE growing inside of me lady!  A HUMAN BEING.  Who is currently growing FINGERNAILS!  That's right!  I'm making FINGER NAILS in my womb at this very moment.  Turns out it's kinda hard making finger nails.  And intestines, and brains, and skin, and stuff.  And my body is kind of tired.  So give me a break!  Please do not be angry!  Do not be disgusted!  I DIDN'T MEAN IT!

What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry that I sat in the seat immediately next to you, turned my back to you, and farted 13 times.  I could smell it so I know you could smell it too.  And I'm sorry.  But as we've already established, I couldn't help it.  It's not my fault.  Blame my baby (I won't tell).  Personally, I'm just glad I didn't poop on myself because for a minute there I actually thought that might happen.

So again, I'm sorry.