32 weeks

This week, Jackson is the size of a: honeydew melon

How far along? 32 weeks

Due date: August 26, 2013

Total weight gain/loss: 150.  Gained 15 pounds (5 net pounds if you account for the 10 pounds I lost during the first trimester). 

Maternity clothes? A maternity bra.  Still no maternity clothes!  I probably won't ever wear them...mostly because I only wear dresses

Sleep:  Sleeping a little less, but still pretty good!  Getting itchy.  Sleeping on a belly wedge that supports me very well (thanks Big Granny!).  Getting up to tinkle 2 times/night usually.

Best moment this week:  Ok well a few weeks ago my husband's family and my bestest friends came into town to witness us get our Masters' degrees (his in divinity, mine in clinical psychology) AND we had the BEST BABY SHOWER OF ALL TIME.  It was Jack in the Box themed and thrown by my mommy and it will get a post all of its own.  This week, I had a special ultrasound to measure Jackson because they thought I was too small and he stuck his tongue out at us!  It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life and I cried.

Movement: This little boy is still very active!  Very reassuring, although distracting and uncomfortable sometimes. 

Food cravings: HAMBURGERS. Watermelon. Cheese Enchiladas. Baked potatoes.  Slushies.  I want all of my drinks with one million ice cubes in it.

Food aversions:  Changes from moment to moment.  Sometimes I hate it all. 


Symptoms: itchy hands, sore back, pulled a muscle two weeks ago, constant pressure in my nethers


Gender: It's a BOY!


Labor Signs: Nope.  But my tummy is practicing with Braxton Hicks.


Belly Button in or out? Poking out usually but when I sit down (or have a Braxton Hicks contraction) it disappears.


Feeling toward Pregnancy: Loving it!  I like my belly.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I get to see the abundant love in family, friends, and strangers because it seems like pregnancy brings out the best in people.  It's like everyone wants to protect and comfort the carrier of another life.


What I miss: A good memory.  Tons of energy.  Being able to do/eat whatever I want.  Fitting into whatever I want.  I have cravings for things possibly only because I can't eat them: not a drinker but been craving a cocktail, dying for a cold cut, etc.


What I am looking forward to: Getting his area of our room ready (we live in a 1 bedroom).  Meeting Jack Jack.  =)


Milestones: Baby is in the proper position and appointments are now 2 weeks apart.  AND we finished our childbirth classes. BEST CLASSES EVER.  Go look them up (A Heart for Family).  Also, hubby is a master swaddler.  =)

Daddy says:  "Jackson, I really like feeling you through your mom's stomach."

27 Weeks

*This post is from two weeks ago.  I knew I was forgetting something...


This week, Jackson is the size of a: head of cauliflower

How far along? 27 weeks

Due date: August 26, 2013

Total weight gain/loss: 145.  Gained 10 pounds (zero pounds if you account for the 10 pounds I lost during the first trimester). 

Maternity clothes? A maternity bra.  Still no maternity clothes!  I probably won't ever wear them...mostly because I only wear dresses

Sleep:  Wake up at least once a night to tinkle.  Wake up frequently to roll over.  Weeeeeird dreams.  Get really hot. But still sleeping pretty good, overall.

Best moment this week:  Memorial Day weekend!  Also, registering at Babies R Us.  It was so much fun!

Movement: This little boy is SO active!  Very reassuring, although distracting and uncomfortable sometimes. 

Food cravings: HAMBURGERS. Watermelon. Cheese Enchiladas. Baked potatoes.  Slushies.

Food aversions:  Changes from moment to moment.

Symptoms: itchy hands and belly, TMI alert - (extreme discharge), tiredness


Gender: It's a BOY!


Labor Signs: Thank goodness no!  But we had a small scare where we made a trip to L&D at 24 weeks.  False alarm.  Whew!  Everything's allllll good!


Belly Button in or out? Poking out usually but when I sit down it disappears.


Feeling toward Pregnancy: Loving it!  But...also ready for August to be here!  I have lots of fears and worries like how I'm going to push this baby out or how my tummy is possibly going to expand any further, but I'm generally enjoying it these days.  I'm getting super excited!


What I miss: A good memory.  Tons of energy.  Being able to do/eat whatever I want.  Fitting into whatever I want.


What I am looking forward to: My baby shower!


Milestones: THIRD TRIMESTER, BABY!!!

Daddy says:  "Jackson, I'm proud that you're getting to be such a big boy.  Don't kick mommy so much."

Conversations with Myself

There are many random thoughts that I have and sometimes I say them out loud.  Here are the things that pregnancy makes me think about.

1. I hate food.

2.  I love food.

3.  OMG I have to push this baby out soon.

4.  Don't judge me for _____________...I'm making a person.

5.  I wondered if there was a way to "prime" the breast for the horrors of breast-feeding.  My maternal friends and the internet informed me that no...there is not.  And also, that's awkward.

6.  Why would anybody ever do this again?

7.  This world isn't very mommy-friendly.  Even though we are the makers of every single human on the planet.  I'm creating a citizen of the world!  You think that people would be a little more accommodating.

8.  Thank you for giving me that advice I didn't ask for.  Now, please step aside while I drink my soda.

9.  My son's favorite time to be the most insanely active is when I'm trying to be my most therapeutic with a client.  I imagine him in there trying to see how much it will take to make mommy squirm or make a weird noise.

10.  Um...how is my belly supposed to get any bigger?  I still have 3 months to go and this baby has like 7 pounds to gain.  I literally cannot understand the physics of this.

11.  I like to use my pregnancy as a way to shame the dancers I teach.  "If the pregnant lady can do it, so can you!  Get your leg up there!"

12.  I wonder what kind of mommy I'll be.

13.  Why does the scale say I'm not gaining weight!?!??!  I look significantly bigger!

14.  I wonder if I'll love my kid as much as I love my niece.  I can't imagine my heart expanding that big.

15.  Sometimes I get annoyed when men try to make some connection with  me since their wives are pregnant.  Shut up, sir.  It is nobody's version of the same.  Call me when you've carried a living being inside of you for even 1 minute.

16.  I take comfort in knowing that my mom dropped me down a small flight of stairs and I turned out fine.  Gives me a little room for error.

Toddler Thoughts on Pregnancy, Part 3

I visited my niece (and brother and best friend) for the first time since I've been pregnant recently and she is decidedly obsessed with my pregnancy.  And also rather insightful for a 3.5 year old...  Here are the hilarious and adorable things she did and said during that weekend:

1.  After my refusing to sleep in her tiny bed with her:  "Can you pleeeeease sleep with me, Kitty?  I promise I won't kick you in the belly."

2.  After I told her to choose a bathing suit so we could swimming at my uncle's house, she freezes, looks at me very seriously and says: "When you're pregnant, can you still get in water????"

3.  While I was discussing the unexpected freezing temperature of the pool, she was staring at my belly and eventually said: "Does the baby get cold in there?"  Good question.

4.  In a clever attempt to convince me to swim with her since no one else would:  "Kitty, we should get in the pool so your baby can enjoy the water."  (Good one, kid.  And yes, I did eventually get in the water with her).

5.  A couple of times, she would come up to my belly and poke my protruding belly button and say "Ding dong!"  Rude.

6.  Throughout the weekend, every 15 minutes or so, she would come hug/kiss my belly and sometimes whisper into it.  Once, however, she grabbed my belly by both sides and shouted "HELLO!  CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?  IT'S ME...NIECY*" 

7.  I quickly got used to her coming up to me and lifting my shirt...possibly just to check if it was still full of baby.

8.  My favorite...at least 3 times a day, she would come up to me with tools from her doctor kit (a stethoscope, "medicine," and a Dory balance ball that she decided to deem appropriate medical equipment) and announce that it was time to play doctor again.  Each time, she was sweet enough to inform me that she would be careful not to drop that Dory ball on my belly and that, no, I did not have to push the baby out. 

*Niece's name changed because the interwebs cannot be trusted.  AHAHAHAHAH!

20 Weeks and Button's Name

Button's a BOY!  And his name is: Jackson David Hill
Jackson (according to the interwebs) means "God has been gracious; has shown us favor"
David means "beloved."
 
This week, Button is the size of a: banana (and almost weighs a pound)!

How far along? 20 weeks

Due date: August 26, 2013

Total weight gain/loss: I ended up losing a total of 10 pounds in the first trimester and I've almost gained it all back!  141lbs 

Maternity clothes? Nope.  I did buy a maternity bra extender, however.  And when I tried to wear pants yesterday and they refused to button (I am usually always in dresses/skirts).

Sleep:  Wake up at least once a night to tinkle.  Wake up frequently to roll over.

Best moment this week: Reminiscing with hubby over our engagement anniversary (is that even a thing?).  And finalizing the name of our child!

Movement: he's moving in there!  I'd felt little flutters but now I'm feeling frequent bite-sized kicks daily!  I love it.

Food cravings: salty things still.  a box of candy or two thrown in.  potatoes.  had a strong craving for semi-burnt hot-dogs that was FULFILLED!

Food aversions:  not as much as the first trimester.  I'm still not a fan of mean (especially sea food) and I'm still not feeling my former favorite food of french fries.


Symptoms: some nausea still; stretching in my uterus; slight back pain; having to pee


Gender: It's a BOY!


Labor Signs: Thank goodness no!


Belly Button in or out? Strangely seems filled with something...it's weird.


Feeling toward Pregnancy: I hate it a LOT LESS!  I'm excited and feeling J move makes it feel way more real!  I feel encouraged by his kicks.  =)


What I miss: I still hate having to eat so much and so often and not knowing what will taste good today.  And there's so many things you can't do when you're pregnant that I didn't think of.  Ex: roller coasters!  BUT I do get to create a brand new life inside of me so...there's that.=)


What I am looking forward to: Hubby being able to feel him move too.


Milestones: Choosing baby's name

Daddy says:  "Daddy's jealous of mom because mom can feel Jackson.  But I look forward to seeing my boy face to face."

Everyday Kindness

Previously, I had a blog where I talked about how I felt/saw/experienced God's love through various people.  It was called Looking for Love and it's here.  (PS: it's so cool that I know how to make a link!)  Anywhoots, I have definitely been feeling God's love through people during this time, even while I am frequently distracted by my misery and suffering.  So I shall make a short list of some of the lovely beautiful acts of love and kindness that have been rained down upon this pregnant lady.

1. My husband has become a superstar.  He was already amazing but ::sheesh:: this man is really going for the gold in husbandom.  Getting me food in the middle of the night, rubbing my back, playing with my hair, not giving me the crazy eye when I vacillate between yelling and crying, and many more acts of love.  He is awesome.

2. Other people's excitement.  Since I have been feeling so icky, it's hard to feel excited.  So it feels so good to hear my friends, family, and heck, even my boss gush their excitement.  And I totally don't mind all the belly rubbing, actually!

3.  People feed me.  This pregnant lady will not starve.  My friend at practicum brought me a hash brown yesterday.  People give me snacks randomly.  That man in the cafeteria is committed to supporting my pickle addiction.  If in a group, people pick where we go based on what I'm craving.  Seriously, yall...it's so sweet.

4.  People send me links with information about various maternal/baby things.  I have gotten so many sweet emails/messages from people with great information or cute outfits or something in between and it helps to know that others are thinking of me and Buttons.

5.  People are already giving this child gifts!  It's crazy...people have not even met this baby and already they are spoiling the child!  It's sweet and makes me cry every time.

6. Other pregnant people (and other mommies).  Pregnant women and mothers have been Godsends.  Their words of encouragement and empathy have normalized me and kept me going.  Just yesterday I had a conversation with a pregnant stranger that made me feel like I am capable of doing this and I'm not crazy for bursting into tears when I fear that perhaps I can't.

7.  And the greatest love droplet of all...my baby Buttons.  Feeling my baby move inside of me is the most beautiful encouragement of all time.  Even when I feel (under the veil of my hormonal dramatics) that I am certainly going to die, I am reminded that I am creating life.  Only I, with the help of my Creator, can bring this baby into the world.  Whoa.

What I've Been Doing

I fully intended to update this weekly or at least bi-weekly.  There were intentions to create a 14 week post...that never happened.  Then I thought that a 16 week post would be appropriate...that didn't happen either.  Now here we are at 19 weeks, 4 days...what have I been doing?

Well, let me share!

1. Recovering from the hell that is the first trimester.
The first trimester made me daily wonder why anyone, in their right mind, would do this again.  How could any human being go through this and then willingly choose to go through it again.  I lost 10 pounds.  I vomited more times than I can count.  And when I wasn't vomiting, I felt like I was going to vomit.  And when I was vomiting, I was also peeing on the bathroom rug underneath me because bladder control during pregnancy is a joke.  That was fun.  All I wanted to do for about 3 months was stay in bed and cry.  I wanted the world to stop so I could get a grip on things and not feel like I was completely out of control.  And for the love of everything edible, I wanted to be able to eat and enjoy what I was eating.  I'm pretty sure I fell off the face of the earth during this time.  More than one week passed with me not putting on clothes or showering.  Just crying, puking, and sleeping.

2. Trying to be a functioning human being.
This was difficult.  We quickly ran out of clean dishes during my first trimester experience.  My husband was taking many classes, had an internship, working, and leading in our church.  Oh, and taking care of the pitiful heap of flesh that was his wife.  I really wanted to function too!  So sometimes, I would try to get myself up and clean something.  Frequently that ended in dizziness and tears.  It took 7,000x more effort to do basic things like mop than it did previously.  So a lot of my extra energy went into trying to make our home (and myself) look semi-respectable.  I was not too successful.  Though, once a darling friend whom I call Walrus came over to help me clean my entire apartment.  Angel.

3. Attempting to engage my doctoral-level studies.
Attempting and failing.  It's hard to get to morning classes with morning sickness.  It's hard to pay attention when your body is building a human and your thoughts are preoccupied with motherhood and the location of the closest bathroom.  It's hard to study when you're crying.  And it's difficult to remember things with pregnancy brain.  This quarter, whenever attempting my duties as a graduate student, I felt like a half-sleeping, drunken cat.  It was sad, really.

4. Being somebody's therapist.
Turns out the world doesn't stop turning when you get pregnant...so I still had to drive 20-45min away (depending on traffic) to practicum two days a week and give quality psychotherapy to hurting people.  It takes a lot of energy to share in someone's burdens.  It takes even more energy to do that while simultaneously willing yourself not to vomit or pee on yourself.  But, sweetness of sweetness, my supervisor and colleagues have been amazing.  And some of the volunteers in the cafeteria discovered my pregnancy and would go out of their way to bring me pickles.  Angels, I tell ya.

5.  Doctor's appointments.
OMG, there are like a million.  Everybody wants to check you for something or other when you're pregnant and it seemed we were at the doctor every week getting one test or another.  And at one point we were even told that something could be wrong with my kidneys and we were sent to a maternity specialist who was very far away, where we sat for a very long time in a very scary waiting room with very sick expecting mommies.  Then (thanks to God) we were told that we're just fine and I should drink more fluids... Though I'm so thankful for that...I really feel like that could have been sent in an email and saved me from 1 week of anxiety.

So that's about it.  That's what I was doing for the past month and a half.  But I'm in my second trimester now and I'm baaaaaack!

12 Week Update

This week, Button is the size of a: plum!

How far along? 12 weeks

Due date: August 26, 2013

Total weight gain/loss: 5 pounds lost...but I look bigger…hmmm.  My tummy was a LOT flatter than this!!  And my pants/skirts don't fit. 

Maternity clothes? Nope.  But really loose dresses and skirts because tight things are uncomfortable.  Bras are the WORST.

Sleep:  Not too shabby!

Best moment this week: Seeing baby Button dance on the ultrasound!!!  Mind. Blown.

Movement: can’t feel a thing even though apparently Button is practicing his/her acrobatics

Food cravings: salty things.  Bacon.  Cheese enchiladas.  One hard shell taco, one small red burrito, and a kid sized Mr. Pibb from Of the Taco.

Food aversions:  EVERYTHING.  When did everything start tasting like toenail flavored disgustingness?


Symptoms: Nausea; sore boobies, peeing like crazy, emotional, shooting pains down there (don’t worry, Dr. said it’s normal), and excessive tooting.


Gender: Haven’t the foggiest but I keep saying him.


Labor Signs: Thank goodness no!


Belly Button in or out?  My father cut my umbilical cord funny so it’s always been half in/half out.  No Change! 


Feeling toward Pregnancy: Was feeling a little over it/in disbelief until I saw Button dance.  Now I’m feeling like this is really real and I’m excited!


What I miss: Being able to eat what I wanted when I wanted without fear of nauseous repercussions.  


What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex of this baby!  Moving into the supposed much easier second trimester.


Milestones: Baby’s first home video.  =)

Daddy says:  "Baby likes to dance!"

Emotions

Apparently one of the most common pregnancy symptoms is mood swings...Hallmark commercials, dramatic television, acts of kindness, and sometimes even homework are proving this symptom true for me.

Me (shouting to my husband in another room): I love watching Toddlers and Tiaras because of all the dysfunction.

Hubby: If you push pause and wait for me, I can come in there and watch it with you.

Me: sniffle...sniffle...TEARS.

Hubby: Baby?

Me (in between sniffles): That was...so...sweet.

Hubby:  haha...are you joking right now?  (comes into room)

Me (still crying):  sniff...no.

Hubby:...wow...you are really...pregnant...

Dear Stranger,

Dear Stranger sitting next to me in class today,

I'm so sorry.  I wish I could have turned around and explained myself.  I wish you knew me and knew that I am pregnant and therefore have a very credible excuse.  I wish I could have had the courage to face you.  If I was facing you, then perhaps you would not have suffered as much. 

You see, I can't control what is going on in my body.  I have very little say in the things that I do.  Well, I do have some control, ya know...but just not of everything. 

For example, I seem to have no control over my emotions.  And tears cannot be held back no matter how hard I try.  So you can imagine how difficult it is to watch Grey's Anatomy.  And then when I re-tell the story to my husband, I have no control over the fact that I look like a crazy person. 

I also have no control over the smells that now cause me to retch and gag and feel so angry at the offensive owner of the smell that I consider assault. 

I have no control over my entire gastrointestinal system at all, as a matter of fact.  Everything sounds and tastes disgusting.  But, of course, if I don't eat anything, I will violently vomit up every ounce of bile in my tummy.

I know this is all TMI, but I'm just trying to explain to you why you should forgive me.  Because it's not my fault.  I can't control it!

There is a LIFE growing inside of me lady!  A HUMAN BEING.  Who is currently growing FINGERNAILS!  That's right!  I'm making FINGER NAILS in my womb at this very moment.  Turns out it's kinda hard making finger nails.  And intestines, and brains, and skin, and stuff.  And my body is kind of tired.  So give me a break!  Please do not be angry!  Do not be disgusted!  I DIDN'T MEAN IT!

What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry that I sat in the seat immediately next to you, turned my back to you, and farted 13 times.  I could smell it so I know you could smell it too.  And I'm sorry.  But as we've already established, I couldn't help it.  It's not my fault.  Blame my baby (I won't tell).  Personally, I'm just glad I didn't poop on myself because for a minute there I actually thought that might happen.

So again, I'm sorry.

Bare Honesty

Me: Is your child still in the room?
Best friend: No.
Me: Good, cuz I want to show you these boobs.  They're out of control.
Best friend: I'm so glad you offered because I was curious and I didn't know if it was awkward to ask.

That's what friends are for.

Toddler Thoughts on Pregnancy, Part 2

Niece: Kitty is there still a seed in your belly?
Me: Well, it's more like an embryo now but...yes.
Niece: Can I see it?
Me: (chuckles) well...no because it's inside me.  We can't see it until it comes out.
Niece: Please?  Just for a little bit?
Me: That's not the way it works...when it comes out do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl?
Niece:  mmm...a boy.
Me:  Ok. And what should we name that boy?
Niece:  mmm...Charlie!
Me: Charlie?  Why Charlie?
Niece:  I dunno.  I like that name...or Keisha! 
Me: (laughs)
Niece: and then me and you and Charlie or Keisha can go play! 

So there we have it, a future baby Charlie or Keisha!  It is spoken.

Toddler Thoughts on Pregnancy, Part 1

My 3 year old niece was listening in when I video chatted with my family and told them I was pregnant.  She heard her mother, my best friend (and my brother's wife), talk about her dizziness and how she was chased by bees while dizzy, which caused her to fall down.  Niece-face LATCHED onto this story and I proceeded to get multiple calls from her over the next few days...

Niece: Kitty, before you go I just want to say to watch out for the bees.

---

phone rings, caller ID says it's my mother
Me: Hey mom!
Niece: Kitty, I just really don't want the bees to make you fall down cuz you're dizzy and there's a baby in your belly.  Ok?  Love you! Bye!

--

phone rings
Me: Hello?
Niece: Kitty.  The bees.  Watch out for the bees.  Bye!


--

Phone rings again
Me: hello...
Niece: ...I'm just really worried about the bees and you falling down.  Ok. Bye.



She's really wondering why nobody else is acknowledging the severity of this bee situation.  I suppose I'll be sure to watch out for bees.

Lost in Translation

Quite possibly the most awkward and hilarious conversation I've had thus far...

After our initial blood test, my doctor called and said she wanted to do some extra tests because she was concerned about an early miscarriage.  That's one word that can freak out a pregnant lady as soon as it's spoken.  So of course, hubby and I were hyper-vigilant about the things that could help or hurt a pregnancy.  Specifically, we were wondering if I could still take certain over the counter medications and if orgasms would harm an as of yet precarious pregnancy.  The internet and our pregnancy book had all kinds of answers...none of them were the same.  So we took our questions to our doctor.  And behold the most awkward conversation I've ever had in the middle of a nurses' station:

N = new nurse I had never seen before.  Her spoken English has not quite reached the fluency level.
S = me
H = hubby, standing and observing silently for most of conversation


N = Ok, so you said you had questions for doctor...
S = Yes...about medication and other activities
N = (typing) Ok..."medication."  What kind of medication?
S = I want to know if I can take benadryl.
N = Ok..."benadryl"  That's the name of the medication?
S = ...yes.
N = Ok..."wants to know if she can take benadryl."  Ok. And you said something else?  Another question for doctor?
S = yes...I want to know...if it's ok to have an orgasm while we're waiting for these test results.  I dunno if it'll like...jostle the embryo or something.
N = Ok.  An orgasm.
S = yes.
N = and what is orgasm?
S = um...well...it's like what happens to you at the end of sex sometimes.  Ya know, like climax.
N = Ok. Yes.  So it is like exercise.
S = not...quite.
N = Oh so it is a medication??  (completely straight face)
S = no...it's more of...an experience (trying very hard not to look at hubby or other nurses because I'm sure I will die of laughter if I do)
N = I do not understand.
S = It's an experience of like waves rushing over your body that feels really good during sex...(i'm hoping she gets this one because I truly don't know how else to explain it)
N = Oh. Ohhhhhh!!!!!  Like waves (runs hands over body and smiles)
S = yes...like that...
N = Ok. I ask her (walks away)

H = (quietly) I feel like that's a word she should know...

giggles abounded.

How Do You Knooooow You're Pregnant?*

*to the tune of the song from Enchanted (not my property, all rights reserved, yada yada yada)

The initial conversations behind the positive test(s) that started it all!!!  This is a loooong one because it contains many stories.

One day while driving back from practicum, the song that was used in our wedding slide show came on the radio and I began to cry.  Nay, to sob.  I was done driving before the song was over so I continued to sit in my car, singing and crying with Ruben Stoddard as my emotional soundtrack.

Once inside, I began to watch some online television and a commercial for Hallmark came on.  And. I. Lost. It.  Waterworks.  Blubber city.

So of course I posted about it on Facebook.  And a friend sent me a private message in response, "saw your facebook post.  do you need to pee on a stick?"

And I laughed.

A week or so later, I had a horrible experience at a nail salon that drove me to tears.  At the time, it felt like the sadness equivalent of a million puppies drowning, watching PS, I Love You on my period, and learning that my favorite restaurant closed without warning as I'm driving to get my favorite meal from there.  But looking back, I think hormones might have had something to do with the emotional outburst that caused my sweet husband to ask me if I wanted him to "go back in there and talk to that guy?!?!?"

When I recounted this story to my aunt at my Christmas party, she too wondered aloud if it might be time to pee on some sticks.

Chuckles abounded!

A few days after that, our young adult ministry had a Christmas party.  Earlier in the day, I had a meeting that I felt strangely nauseous for.  When it came time to go to the party, I was in the foulest of moods and hated everyone (which is strange, because I love people so much...especially those people!!).  Not only was I crabby, but the nausea came back too!  All the delicious food and I couldn't bring myself to eat any of it!

As I sat near the food table trying to coax a string bean into my mouth I confided in a friend how nauseous I was feeling.  And she said:

"It's probably that baby in your belly."

I was too irritable and nauseous to laugh at her.  And newlyweds will tell you that hardly a week goes by when somebody doesn't make a pregnancy joke about you, so I didn't think too much about it.

Later, hilariously (in hindsight), I chose a trio of socks for my white elephant gift.  The trio included what looked like mommy socks, daddy socks, and itty bitty baby socks.  We all laughed at the fact that the only married woman in the room would pick that gift.  Our friends jokingly called it prophetic and we took pictures with the socks on my belly.  Turns out, I actually was pregnant in that moment...ha HA!

After we got home, me cheered up by our friends but still nauseous, I had a strange urge to buy some vitamins.  Prenatal ones.  Hubby obliged (bless his heart; it was like 10pm).  While we were there, I thought it could be useful to simply have some pregnancy tests on hand. 

The next morning, as I was getting up to go to practicum, I thought..."why don't I just pee on a stick?"  Hubby was gone so no one would be the wiser.  I read every word of the instructions and one line stuck out to me: "No matter how faint of a line you see, a line is a line."  Or something like that.

So I peed on the stick.  Waited three minutes.  Rolled my eyes at myself before I looked at the test because this was just so silly.  And then my heart stopped when I saw the faintest of lines.  I was in total disbelief so I ran to the hallway to get the other stick to see if maybe the line is a little visible before you pee on it.  Nope.

I clean up and hide the evidence of this insanity.  I decide to not tell my husband until I'm sure.  I'm convinced this must be a mistake.  I do NOT believe that I'm pregnant.  And if I am, I want to tell him in some adorable way.  But, unseen to me, a 1/4inch piece of the shiny pink wrapper falls into the living room trashcan.

I call my doctor who tells me to calm the heck down and come in for a urine test and to get a blood test if that's negative.

I go to practicum feeling relatively normal, if only a pinch freaked out.  Then my body starts to go INSANE.  I poop THREE times.  It's like I can't stop.  The room starts spinning.  I get hot and nauseous.  And when I go to lunch, they're having delicious chicken wings that all of the sudden look as appealing to me as iced vomit on sticks.  So I decide to go home.  But first I go to the doctor, deciding to talk to her about this possible stomach bug I might have that's making me feel like this.  The tiniest thought of a baby in my belly makes me drive veeeeery slowly.  I tell ya, that maternal instinct kicks in FAST!

Arrive at doctor's office.  Pee in a cup.  She returns with a completely unreadable face.

Nurse: The test was negative.
Me: ...but I had a positive one this morning...
Nurse: Oh, did you use like an EPT or something?
Me: Yes.
Nurse:  Oh well then you're probably pregnant.
Me: ??????  (give crazy eye)
Nurse: those tests are stronger than ours

So I get the blood test.  I want to get a little shirt that says "I love my daddy" but I didn't want to have something tangible to make me sad if I wasn't pregnant...since I was officially getting a little excited.  So I just drove home, planning to sneak back out after I saw my results online.

I'm sitting on the couch, trying to be normal when hubby asks:

"did you take a pregnancy test today?"

I can't think of a lie quickly enough and I struggled with the idea of lying to him anyway.  So I said nothing.  And then I started to wonder how in the world he knew!!!

Hubby:  It's just...I found this in the trash can when I knocked it over (holds up most tiny piece of paper ever to exist)
Me: And you just knew it was from a pregnancy test taken today!?!?!?!?
Hubby:  (chuckles) well the wrapping isn't discrete and I know we just bought some last night...so did you take one?

dang.  distraction didn't work.

Me: Yes. (hoping he will drop it, return attention to computer)
Hubby: (staring at me with eyebrows lifted)...AND?????
Me:...it was positive.
Hubby: (freaks out with happiness as I tell him the story of the day and we wait for the blood tests to come in).

Blood test came later.  Positive.  Oh, baby...