Induction Date: July 6, 2017
Born: July 7, 2017
A couple months before I was estimated to give birth, my OB-GYN informed me that they were concerned about my lab results and feared I was developing pre-eclampsia. Pre-eclampsia can go from bad to life-threatening very quickly and they told me the best way to treat it is to deliver the baby. They sent me for additional testing with the knowledge that if the extra tests showed poor results, they would induce me immediately. If the tests came back ok, they would wait until 38 weeks. They ran all kinds of tests and while Ellie was doing beautifully, my protein levels were wonky. With all the news of maternal mortality, I was terrified but I also appreciated that they were taking it so seriously. Fun fact: California is one of the best states for addressing maternal mortality rates! So they decided to induce me at 37 weeks to try to avoid possible complications from pre-eclampsia.
For weeks leading up to my labor, I would have consistent, very strong contractions each night. They felt much stronger than Braxton Hicks practice contractions and felt like how it felt when I actually went into labor with Jackson. But they never progressed past 3 hours. When we called Labor and Delivery they assured me I would know when labor REALLY started because it would feel like the last time I went into labor. I was frustrated because it already did. So every night for weeks, I prepared to go into labor and then I didn't. I felt like I couldn't trust my body and got discouraged. On top of that, I was already dealing with the grief of the miscarriages, struggling to believe that I would actually birth a live baby since I'd so far only had a 33% success rate, fearing a long induction, and feeling concerned about pre-eclampsia complications. It seemed like every day someone was posting about another mom who had an easy birthday and then died shortly after from pre-eclampsia. Google was not my friend.
On June 10, I graduated with my doctorate and prayed I wouldn't give birth on stage. I did not. On June 30, we had a baby shower for Ellie in San Jose and everybody was convinced that I wouldn't make it to my induction scheduled for July 6. I have a lot of anxiety about my mom not making it in time for the labor given her 6 hour drive and I call her...multiple times a day...throughout the week. Finally, week 37 arrived!
July 6
12pm-5pm: I repeatedly call my mother and urge her to leave immediately after work and not wait to sleep a little since I still don't think this is going to take very long
6:30pm - We wake up late from our family nap and rush to get McDonalds before taking Jack to stay with our dear LifeGroup friends who had volunteered to watch him during our labor.
7pm: We call labor and delivery and they give us the all clear to come in for my induction.
7:02pm: I call my mom again and discover they are on the road. I feel relieved.
8pm - 9:30pm: We get checked into the hospital and settle into our room. Our nurse, Nicole, arrives and introduces herself. She has a thick southern accent and she is warm and kind. She tells us a bit about herself and then begins to fill in my chart. I am impressed by the kinds of questions she asks. She asks my baby's name, who's on my support team, and about my birth plan/preferences. She writes down my answers on the big dry erase board for the hospital team to see. I had a much looser birth plan this time and just wanted to birth a living baby. I noted that I would prefer to do things as naturally as possible and with as little intervention as possible. She asks how I feel about epidurals and I say that I'm open if I need one but that I would prefer not to have one. She writes that on the board then looks at me and tells me that since I would prefer not to have one, she will never mention it again so I can focus on choosing my own ways to cope with pain but that should I want one at any time, I only need say the word and she would get it for me as soon as she could. I wanted to hug her. Near the end of the check in, she asks about my biggest hopes for the labor, how I expect my life will change with this baby, any personal/religious preferences they should be aware of, and my biggest fears and concerns. I tell her I don't need anything special as long as they're ok with me playing my Jesus music. She very quietly whispers that she likes Jesus music too. She makes sure to involve Chris in the questions too. I am so impressed with this thoughtful line of questioning and I share about my miscarriages, fears of losing another baby, fears of having a scary labor experience, and bad experience with cervical checks with my last labor (I was uncomfortable and a large nurse held me down while they checked me). She listened and ensured me they would do everything they could to make this labor a peaceful one that ended with a healthy, living baby.
She showed me the monitors in the room that were tracking every laboring woman in the hospital. They had them in every room and in the nurses' station so that the nurses and doctors could see how everybody was doing at any given time from anywhere. You could see the babies' heartbeats and the contractions as they were happening. The contractions looked like big heartbeat lines that went up during the contraction and back down at the end of the contraction. The higher the line the bigger the contraction. The longer the line, the longer the contraction. Chris pointed to one woman's contraction graph whose line was erratic and broken and all over the place and said "Is she ok???" That gave us a good laugh. I really liked the monitors and so did Chris. He could watch the contractions as they were happening and tell me "Ok...it's almost at the peak...you're almost there. It'll be over soon." Also, I think he could fully appreciate how much it must have hurt when he saw the line go all the way to the top of the screen.
10pm - 11:30pm: An IV is inserted into my hand. The team does some lab workups for the pre-eclampsia stuff. Nicole arranges for all labs to be drawn from the IV so I don't have to be stuck twice. The lab technician forgot one test and had to come back to draw a vial from my arm and had to stick me again. I completely understood but they were so apologetic since they were trying to make things as easy as possible for us. The midwife comes in and I love her immediately. She is calm and patient and very gentle. She looks fairly young...like we're close to the same age. But she has the peaceful presence of a grandmother. She says that the doctor had planned to participate due to the induction but since everything seemed ok at this point, if nothing bad happened the doctor would not come. I was completely ok with that. The midwife answers all our questions and shares the plan. I will be given one half of a pill to thin my cervix, then 1 whole pill 6 hours later, then another pill 6 hours after that and so on until I've had a max of 4 pills or until my cervix is thin enough for them to give me pitocin. I'm nervous about the pitocin (which artificially induces the contractions) because I'd heard the artificial induction seems to make the contractions worse and then of course because of all the anti-pitocin information out there especially after the documentary "Business of Being Born." The midwife and nurse warn it could take 2 days. The midwife says the pill I'm supposed to take is misoprostol and I tear up because I have a strong negative association with that word as it was the pill I took to complete the miscarriages. She smiles softly and says "Well let's call it something else then! We'll call it miso." So they gave me half a pill and told me they'd be back to check on me soon. They asked if they could check me and I asked if I had the option to say no. The midwife said "Of course! If you get an epidural, they'll probably want to check, but it's not especially critical to have one at this point." I want to kiss her and also want her to put that in writing for me to show that nurse from Jack's birth...
July 7
Midnight - 2am: I put on Maid in Manhattan and go on facebook. I play Candy Crush and Solitaire. We had packed some food and I eat. I felt contractions at about 1 am but they were the same level, intensity, and time as it had been happening for weeks. When the nurse comes in, she says "Oh! The contractions have started already!!" and I verify that these are legit contractions. She says "Oh yes. Good ones!" and I feel validated that I HAD been having true contractions and wasn't just a weakling who thought Braxton Hicks were true. I learned later that I had been having what was called prodromal labor. Anyway. She asks how I'm handling it and I say I'm fine because I've gotten used to this level of pain so it was no big deal. Chris decides to take a nap given that this might take a while and he wanted to ensure he was ready and rested.
2:30am: My parents arrive. My dad is feeling sick so he refuses to come near me and sequesters himself in a waiting room outside the labor and delivery department. My mom comes into the room and her knee is banged up because she'd tripped and fallen really hard when she was walking into the hospital. The nurse gives her a bandaid but won't give her anything else (like a Tylenol) without her going downstairs and checking into the ER for liability reasons. She decides she's ok. My contractions are present but I'm still doing ok. My mom decides to take a nap with Chris.
3am-5am: Ouch. The contractions are getting big and strong. I'm no longer able to happily scroll through facebook. I put my birth playlist on and listen through my earphones. I try to remember to breathe. Chris wakes up and coaches me through the contractions, playing with my hair and rubbing my back. I want to wander around but they have me hooked up to monitors for both my heart and Ellie because of all the precautions. I'm really frustrated and want to be disconnected but it's not the end of the world. I feel like I have to poop and the midwife, nurse, Chris, and my mom have a legit discussion in front of me about whether or not to let me poop. The midwife ensures me that I'm getting close and it may not be poop but actually the baby and she's afraid I'll poop the baby out into the toilet. I don't want a cervical check so they can't be sure how far I am. The contractions don't feel as bad as they did at the end with Jackson so I feel fairly confident it's poop. So they compromise and allow me to poop in the bathroom alone only if Chris is in there with me and if I don't push during contractions. So, we put our relationship to the test and Chris, without even blinking, goes in to hold me while I poop. Marriage, man. lol. I'm leaning on him and he's holding me up on the potty and each time I get a contraction, I stand up and hold on to him for dear life. I successfully poop without birthing my baby into the toilet.
5am-6am: Owwww. Ok now I remember how bad it can get. I agree to be checked but it hurts too bad so they stop. I take my earphones out and let my birth playlist of Jesus music play from my laptop into the room. I keep it on for the rest of labor. Nurse Nicole comes it at one point and sings softly, almost sheepishly, along to "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli. I have to shut out all noise and focus through each contraction. I lay on my side and Chris stands on one side of the bed facing me and my mom stands on the other. I ask them to not move and let me push against them with each contraction. Chris watches the monitor and talks me through the peaks: "Ok you're almost at the worst part...ok it's going back down now. You're almost done with this one. It'll end soon." I'm focusing all my energy on getting through the pain and resting in between contractions so I'm not moving and can't see the monitor anymore. But I can hear my mom and Chris talking about how big they are. Since I've only been in labor for about 6 hours, I'm starting to feel scared that I'll be like this for 2 more days. Jackson's labor lasted 26 hours and they warned me that this induction could take even longer. The nurse comes in and says she thinks I'm in transition. I'm in disbelief because I know that's near the end and I was expecting it to take longer. She insists that she can tell by how I'm talking that I'm in transition; that my voice has changed and how I'm responding to her has changed. I'm fascinated by that. The nurse gets really close and says that based on her years of experience she would bet that I would have that baby before 8am. I shout "That's only 2 hours away!" and she smiles and says "I know." I have a hard time believing her but I'm encouraged that maybe I can do this for two more hours.
6am-7am: I am no longer interacting much with the outside world. It takes every fiber of my being and mental energy to focus through the pain. It hurts so bad that my body is trembling after each contraction. The contractions are very close together and I only have about 30-60 seconds to rest in between them. I can hear them talking around me and I'm still convinced I'll be like this for another day. The nurses keep trying to adjust Ellie's heart monitor but I don't want to be touched during contractions and I think I shout "DON'T TOUCH ME!" and then immediately after "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I yelled at you." I hear them talking asking if my water has broken but not wanting to touch me. I can feel bulging and literally as they're speaking, I feel it burst and I shout "It broke! It broke!" In between contractions, they gently lift my leg to see.
I asked Nurse Nicole if it's too late to get that epidural and she says I could have it if I wanted but that I'm so close that by the time it kicked in the baby would be here anyway so I might as well just try to hold on a little longer. And still, I don't believe her. But another contraction hits so I don't have energy to argue. After it's over, I express my disbelief and she puts her face close to mine and says "Sarah, you're so close that the midwife is outside the room preparing the tray and putting on gloves as we speak." WHAT?? Right after she said that, the midwife came in, fully suited up and with the gloves on. I tell her that the pain is too big and that I think I'd like an epidural now. She smiles sweetly and says that's it's too late because the baby is coming out now. And still...if you can believe it...I don't believe her! She pulls up a little stool at the end of the bed, sits in it, and folds her hands. I start to feel panicked and ask what I'm supposed to do. She just sits there, hands still folded, and says "Whatever your body tells you to do." I think something along the lines of "This b is crazy" and keep asking questions. "Should I lay down? When should I push?" She answers each question with some variation of "Whatever your body tells you to do." I get annoyed and think "Fine. If you're not going to answer my questions, I'll just do whatever I want."
7:15am: I get on my knees in the bed, facing the wall away from the rest of the room. I lean on to the top of the bed. "Is this ok?" "Whatever feels right to you." I go through a few contractions like that while I hear some rustling of preparation behind me. I can hear other people in the room, preparing for the baby. I'm still feeling a little in disbelief. But then I feel the urge to push. "I think I want to push!" Still sitting, she says, "Ok. Listen to your body. Push when it tells you to." She gives me literally no instructions. This is so different that with Jack when they told me when to push and how to push. So I stay in that upright on knees position and start to push. I couldn't really see anything because I was facing the wall. My body seemed to take over and stopped and started the pushes with the contractions. I expected pushing to hurt but it felt like a huge relief. She is still sitting but starts to give encouragement. After about 2-3 contractions, I could feel the burning of the "ring of fire" as Ellie started to crown. Chris starts to film and the midwife finally stands up. I could feel her coming out and after her head was delivered I suddenly got scared and said "Pull her out pull her out!" but they reassured me that I was almost done and that I just needed to keep pushing.
One more push and she was delivered at 7:28am on 7/7/17. "Savior King" by Hillsong was playing and she came out completely covered in white sticky vernix. A new nurse, not Nicole, had arrived sometime during the delivery and she was roughly rubbing all the vernix off and I had to tell her to kindly back off so I could look at my baby. I had to untangle myself from the cord and my hospital robe to turn around and take her into my arms. Her fingers and toes were so long and thin and looked so dainty. They pushed on my stomach while I was delivering the placenta and it hurt really bad. She had to give me one tiny stitch while I held Ellie and it hurt since I hadn't had any pain medication. After I held Eliana for an hour and tried to nurse, it was time for her to be cleaned and weighed. While they did that, I asked if I could take a shower because I was covered in all kinds of fluids. There was blood and vernix everywhere and it looked like a crime scene. She brought a robe for me to wear from the bed to the bathroom and I said "Why? For what???? Everybody in this room has already seen my vagina" and I walked myself to the shower. Chris, in stark contrast to our first labor experience where he followed me around the room trying to cover me, just laughed and said "Yeah she's definitely not gonna put that on." It was amazing to just stand up and shower an hour after birth. I felt amazing. When I returned, the crime scene had been cleaned and Ellie was getting her hair washed. It was perfect. Our dear friend Cheri brought Jackson to meet Ellie the next morning and she had allowed him to pick a present to give to her. They were fast friends and my heart burst with joy. I felt so good, we asked to leave the hospital so we could sleep in our own bed and they let us!
This labor and delivery was so healing in every way: a perfectly healthy, beautiful baby was born. The labor was super short (a measly 8 hours!) and (relatively) easy, with very minimal intervention. I was able to have the experience of listening to my body which did exactly what it needed to do. The nurse and midwife were gentle, encouraging, and supportive of our choices. I was at peace and surrounded in person and in spirit by a loving, supportive community. The baby we prayed so hard for was finally here and ready to join the huge tribe that already loved her. And in the past year, she has joined the roster of my very favorite people in the world.
This made me cry! God bless you all! <3
ReplyDelete