Conversations with Myself

There are many random thoughts that I have and sometimes I say them out loud.  Here are the things that pregnancy makes me think about.

1. I hate food.

2.  I love food.

3.  OMG I have to push this baby out soon.

4.  Don't judge me for _____________...I'm making a person.

5.  I wondered if there was a way to "prime" the breast for the horrors of breast-feeding.  My maternal friends and the internet informed me that no...there is not.  And also, that's awkward.

6.  Why would anybody ever do this again?

7.  This world isn't very mommy-friendly.  Even though we are the makers of every single human on the planet.  I'm creating a citizen of the world!  You think that people would be a little more accommodating.

8.  Thank you for giving me that advice I didn't ask for.  Now, please step aside while I drink my soda.

9.  My son's favorite time to be the most insanely active is when I'm trying to be my most therapeutic with a client.  I imagine him in there trying to see how much it will take to make mommy squirm or make a weird noise.

10.  Um...how is my belly supposed to get any bigger?  I still have 3 months to go and this baby has like 7 pounds to gain.  I literally cannot understand the physics of this.

11.  I like to use my pregnancy as a way to shame the dancers I teach.  "If the pregnant lady can do it, so can you!  Get your leg up there!"

12.  I wonder what kind of mommy I'll be.

13.  Why does the scale say I'm not gaining weight!?!??!  I look significantly bigger!

14.  I wonder if I'll love my kid as much as I love my niece.  I can't imagine my heart expanding that big.

15.  Sometimes I get annoyed when men try to make some connection with  me since their wives are pregnant.  Shut up, sir.  It is nobody's version of the same.  Call me when you've carried a living being inside of you for even 1 minute.

16.  I take comfort in knowing that my mom dropped me down a small flight of stairs and I turned out fine.  Gives me a little room for error.